Saturday, May 29, 2010

Lesson Learned

When I am tired, for want of a nap, I should never ever ever listen to Dead Can Dance.  When I am tired, I am subject to the throes of mood swings. They are pretty intense, and small things can send me on an emotional journey.

So, I was tired. G was driving us home from dropping off artwork. The sun had just set, and the sky was roiling with clouds -very dramatic. I was so tired my head was rolling around as though I had little control of my neck (think of how inebriated people move).  I was sitting in the passenger's seat, listening to the above song, and started thinking about the things that I had lost.... namely the ability to drive and be more independent. And I wondered when, if ever, I would be 'normal'.  A hot swollen tear slid down my cheek. My eyes brim even now.  When is this going to stop? When is this going to stop?... why me? why me?       why me?          I'm ready for this to be over. When is this going to be over?

And then I thought... "oh great, you're stuck in the self pity pit".  Consult the handbook of survival and figure out how to climb out.   Focus on the good.  Focus on the good. Focus on the good. G is good. Art is good. Time with doggies is good. Having the time to smell the flowers is good. Meeting new people is good. Being able to help out others with Brain Injury is good.  The quadruple chocolate cupcake I got for G is good.

I should have been listening to this song instead...  "All I Need" by Air.

All I need is a little time
To get behind the sun and cast my weight
All I need is a piece of this mind
I can celebrate

All in all there's something to give
All in all there's something to do
All in all there's something to live

With you

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